Insecurities, Braggin Rights, and everything in between

So in these past couple of days I find myself seeing myself in a whole new way. No longer the rose colored glasses, when I look in the mirror I see only the imperfections, I see only the ugly, and I wonder: Why is that? I used to see the beauty in myself, and I am talking physically here, not metaphorically people. I was never really overly vain, but I knew I was beautiful when I looked in the mirror. I know now that I am beautiful, but it's beauty tainted by my own lack of motivation. Where did my motivation to keep myself in shape go? When did I stop caring about my body? What does that reflect on my social and intellectual and emotional life? All these questions are playing dodge-ball brain, and I have no answers for when. But I do know what I am going to do about it. Starting at 7am Tuesday morning ( Novemebr 13th) I am cutting out all soda. No more of that, and cutting myself down to one candy bar a week. Period, and also, no food after 9pm. These will be big adjustments for me, as I've never really had to watch my diet before, but I believe firmly that it will be worth it.
The next thing is starting on Monday (novemeber 19th) I will begin doing an excerise program that my brother is going to design for me,. I'm tired of feeling fat and flabby, I want my body back, so I am tacking it back. No more does it get to run amok with me.

The other question playing around with me is this: Can you really miss someone you've never met? Never even talked to on the phone? Can a person who only exists in the typed and written word really have such a huge impact on the way you think, feel, and view things? How is it that someone who could be nothing but a liar can bring about such a shocking change? Is it even a real change? If it is, then how can something so profoundly good come from something that I have looked down on, and heard so many bad things about? What is that about?

These I have no answers too, and I think that is ok. Maybe the answers are not in the answers, but in the experiences. And maybe it's the suddenness of it all that has spurred me into finally taking action about the declining state of my physical health. Who knows.

All I know is that when something affects change for the good, it cannot truly be bad, and that not all opinions have to be set in stone, the beauty of a good opinion is that it is ever open to the possibility of fallacy, and is willing to make the proper changes.