4th edition Shadowrun

So now that I've had a while to play it and mess with the rules, not to mention being neck deep in running a very convoluted campaign, I find myself fairly satisfied with the new changes. They've kept the right technological and magical mix. They've delivered the flavor and feel of the sprawling metropolises very well, but yet it feels lacking somehow.

As I sat here pondering it all came to me in a rush. One of my favorite parts of Shadowrun was the dice pool. You know, the extra dice that your character had that could be applied to anything and could only be replenished when the GM said so. (sometimes at the end of an adventure, sometimes when you did something heroic, sometimes for telling a raunchy joke or smashing a beer can with a katana you had laying around your apartment.) This was replaced by the "Edge" stat in the new edition. And several of my friends have told me that I'm just whining, that burning an Edge temporarily gives you the ability to re-roll your dice and therefore have a chance at a better result.

However, it's just not the same to me. Sure, re-rolling all your dice is useful, but there's nothing quite like taking a huge handful of dice, pumped up by your pool, and throwing 30-40 dice down all at once. Putting everything you have behind that one magical sniper shot, or that leap to clear an oncoming semi, or landing the perfect katana blow that separates two vertebra from some creeps back.

Also, Edge gives an easy way out. "I'm permanently burning an edge so I don't die!" It feels like the system has been neutered, giving players a get out of jail free card if they fuck up or say....a grenade goes off 2 feet away. It has taken out a lot of the lethality that made Shadowrun what it is. I fell in love with the game originally just because of that aspect. It wasn't like D&D where if you got hit by a lightning bolt you kinda shrugged it off and kept going. No, you get hit by a lightning bolt, you're gonna be either A)Dead or B)Wishing you were fucking dead. It lost some of its charm when it gave players a free mulligan against stupidity.

That being said, don't get the wrong idea. Shadowrun is still my favorite system. 4th edition cleaned up a lot of rules, and made it much simpler for new players to get into. No more arbitrary target numbers or "rule of six". I think the designers, for the most part, did a great job.

I fondly remember the bucket of d6's, maybe it's time for some house rules.

a lovely day in the world of myspace

So I was going through my bulletins on myspace, and of course there was only one out of 20 that was worth reading. but i ran into a boyfriend/girfriend application.

ok, no offence to anyone who actually wants a response from something like this, but, are you so desperate that you had to come up with a post like this. whoever wrote this has got to be the most pathetic person on earth. i mean come on. do you really need an application to get a date. and on the other hand, do you really think your so wanted that you have the right to make people put in an application to date you like you have some kind of standard and your so perfect that you wont date someone unless they are as perfect as you. Another thing, why the fuck would you want people on the internet to fill it out. Do you realize how many psycos are on the net. And do you think everything everyone says is true, come on. get out of you fantasy world. this is reality. you apply for jobs, and a relationship is not a job. my personal opinions of relationships ill admit is very negative, and i think they are a complete wast of brain power. But seriously. whoever made a post like that is just stupid.

dream when your asleep. this is reality bitches.
although i do admit stupid shit like this provides me entertainment from time to time. Because laughing at the stupidity of other people, is just fun

-Red Death

If I Was Your Vampire

I was listening to this new song byMarilyn Manson and the whole time a rant was brewing in my head. I wrote it out and I was about to post it, but then I realized, the song says everything i was trying to say better. So im just going to post the song. I hope you can understand what the symbolism and imagery really means, because this song really is what i feel, and what ive felt for a long time. Marilyn Manson, in an interview, said that he was like a vampire. Nothing could bring him down. But a knife through his heart nearly destroyed him. His imagery turns everything that was normally good is actually bad. The dusk of night was actually the only time he could be whole again. Like the song says, We build this coffin together, but I fill it alone. They build their life together, but death comes early for him because she leaves and he has to fill it alone.



-Red Death

On Learning How to Manipulate Yourself

So here I sit pondering my past and what it means for my future. The conclusion I've come to is it doesn't mean anything for my future. So many people put too much into 'where they've been' and 'what they've been through'. I try to be like that, but I find in one aspect of my life I can't help it.*(disclaimer: this is not me bitching about what horrible people men are, I am actually bitching about myself and girl like me)* Why is it that when it comes to romance I continually block myself, why do I hurt the guy that actually means something to me? Why do I date the asshole that I know is a bad guy and that I know I will eventually break up with and then have to deal with that drama? The answer I have come up is self-manipulation through fear. In short I'm afraid of love. If you really think about it, I think you'll find that most people are. For me, when I look at the men in my past and possibilities in my future, I always see myself as the harlot, the whore, the one who used that guy for what she wanted, be it physical, mental, monetary, whatever, I see myself as the manipulator, the seductress, the one who is always in the wrong. I see myself like that, because that is truly what I used to be. (Now don't get the wrong idea, I was never a whore in the sense that I was easy or slutty, I use the word because it has a harshness to it that is needed to imply the ragged emotion.) But no longer am I that person, so why do I continue to punish myself for the mistakes I made in the past? What is it that makes me continue to drive away the guy that I know is good for me? Is it because I'm afraid I'll hurt him, or myself? The truth is I don't know. I do know that I'm tired of settling for second-rate, that I no longer am ok with going for the guy that I'm not really attracted to because I know he'll treat me right. I'm done with that, and done with dating the gorgeous guy whose also an asshole. I'm looking for the whole thing, the marriage material package. The guy that will treat me well, and that I'm attracted to. I'm not looking for perfection, but I am looking for patience. I run away from love and I need a guy who understands that what I want scares the shit out of me, but I want it anyway. I am not high-maintenace in the usual sense of the word, I'm pretty laid back, but need a guy who can handle all of my fear, and is willing to wait for me, and is willing to tell me no, who will fight with me and for me, as I will do for him, who will chase me without me a second thought. It sounds like a lot, but I don't think it is, because even as I look back on my darker days of harlotry, I see those qualities in myself. That is way I treat my man, and I need a man who is willing to, and ready to, return the favor.

No wonder

When you go to Alaska, Michigan will seem warm. When you spend a long time in a dark room, light bulbs can be blinding. When you listen to music extrememly loud, yelling seems like normal speach. Deafening or heightening senses are something that everyone has experienced. Extremes make normal things seem duller, extremes become normal, and oposite extremes become normal. When your mind has been broken, normal activities seem hard. Pain seems like pleasure. Normally fun things become unsatisfying. These normal things are magnified into extremes, both negative and positive. But when an opposite extreme comes into play, it can have very destructive effects. Such as the dark room metaphor. What if you stayed in a dark room for a week and all of a sudden looked at the sun? It hurts enough when your used to the light, but the normals have become extreme, and the extremes become devastating. No wonder those with broken minds seem to be unstable. No wonder playful insults hurt them so much. No wonder it takes something extremely good to cheer them up, because normal happyness has been dulled. No wonder they turn to other things to feel normal again.

No wonder they dont last very long.

-Red Death

Once

I could've loved you once
Sometimes I think I did

You were like rain in the desert
And then you were the sand
The Comfort of a blanket
And then you were gone

The terrain of me is treacherous
It's full of traps and holes
It takes a gallant adventurer
You sank in my mire

But still I held the thought of you
I waited in my center
I looked and looked and called for you
I knew you would not answer

When the truth finally came to me
About your demise
I couldn't help but laugh a little
At desires cruel disguise

There was a time in my heart
When there was room for you
But now that room is locked and guarded
A key there is to find

And if you are brave enough
You might unlock the door
To a room where no light shines
no wind blows, only me

I could've loved you once
Sometimes I think I did

- Deceitful Void

Shit my friends say

"I don't wanna be the goddess reborn. That bitch died once!"